on celebrations

thoughts for october 2020

hello, dear friends. i imagine you saw the subject line of this email and groaned to yourself, worried about what forced positivity i was going to drop into your inbox today. you hopefully already know that those kinds of messages aren’t really my style, that i tend to be a realist more than an optimist.

but. today is the aries full moon, the first day of october, the time of year when it feels like autumn has actually arrived. and whatever shit you are trying to process, whatever grief you’re feeling, whatever is taking up your energy and focus and motivation, i hope that you can set it down for just a few moments and sit with me instead.

i started so many different posts to send out today. one on being gentle to the self, one on loss, one on leaving things behind. none of them felt right, felt inspired, felt like anything worth sharing. these days, it feels like my magic is completely gone, like writing is impossible, like i’m a creature built entirely of grief and rage and frozen burritos. i don’t know what to tell you, how to make you feel less alone, how to remind you what hope feels like. i hate platitudes and false promises, and the truth is that i don’t know if things are going to work out, if everything is going to be okay. i don’t know what tomorrow holds, how the election will go, what our world will look like a year from now.

what i do know is that the moon is in aries today, and that it is absolutely beautiful. aries is badass, fiery, passionate. it’s all heat and energy, movement, independent power and might. aries is the emperor, capable and in control, a person with a plan. they don’t fuck around or doubt themselves or let fear take over and control them - instead they shove their way into the driver’s seat, slam on the gas, and race towards their goal. and this fiery moon is blazing and glorious, hot and heavy, ready to take on the sky and consume the stars. it’s not afraid of the unknown - instead it relishes the challenge. it’s invigorated by the fight. it knows just how goddamn magical it is and can’t wait for everyone else to know it too.

frankly, i don’t feel like that. you might not either. but knowing that the moon does, that she’s raging and wild, gives me a little bit of fire, a little bit of extra intensity.

the moon is full, which means that we’re in a time of culmination, that she’s glowing with light and at the peak of her power. full moons are for joy, for recognition, for sharing our light with the world. it’s a time of personal celebration, of honoring all that we’ve done, of holding space for that which is not yet finished. and even if you feel dark and still, quiet and afraid, shaking with fear and uncertainty and frustration, that light is still present. the moon is still begging you to share your little sparks, to let them shine, to allow others to see. the moon is still asking you to commemorate the moment, no matter how quietly you do it.

there’s a saying that goes around every few months, that joy is an act of resistance. daring to allow ourselves bits of happiness, glimpses of wonder, flashes of pleasure and comfort and connection - these are the things that sustain us. being brave enough to be content is a wonder right now, a talent. and it’s true that joy is something we often have to cultivate, have to build one step at a time. right now, being positive is a choice, a deliberate action, a habit.

yet joy can be fueled by so many things, and rage is one of them. there can be such radical satisfaction in true, righteous anger, in taking a step that is terrifying and pleasing, in standing up for ourselves or protesting for what we know is right or defending someone with our full power. joy is not just sitting idly in a field of flowers, staring at the clouds, holding the hand of someone we love and dreaming about a picket fence. joy can be rebellion, connection, strategy, triumph, reclaiming power, howling about injustice. what fires you up? where do you find pleasure? what gives you a rush, spurs you on, makes your breath catch and your heart race? what do you want?

the aries full moon is for screaming, for singing, for standing up. it’s for pride, victory, relishing a new idea or a well-executed plan. it’s for knowing who you are, what makes you tick, what drives you forward. it’s for doing your own damn thing and not apologizing for everything that you are, for your magnificence and magic, for your strength and stamina. you don’t have to feel joy today, not if it’s not authentic. but if you can, if it feels good, give yourself permission to feel powerful. celebrate something, anything, the tiniest success. you are not weak, even if you don’t feel brave. you are enough, even if today you feel empty.

make a point to stand under that fiery light tonight and enjoy it. let it fill you. absorb a little of that heat and magic, and see what the sparks feel like when they get under your skin. what makes you tremble? what are you reaching for? what can the bravery and independence of aries teach you? how can joy remind you of what you’re fighting for?

have a beautiful october, friends.

images from this post feature cards from the true black tarot. all photographs created by meg jones wall.